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PostPosted: Fri Apr 09, 2021 9:24 pm 
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Recovery Mentor

Joined: Tue Jan 07, 2020 4:07 pm
Posts: 164
Hi RN Community,

I’m just curious how others on here have succeeded with creating a break from sexual / romantic thoughts.

I think for me…I’ve had the most success whenever I invited curiosity and allowed myself to just sit with the thoughts. However, after my slip on 3/25/21, I clearly feel like I needed to work on creating a “quicker” break.

In short, every time I feel like I’m physically taking a break from the thoughts (looking down at value list, doing some stretching, etc.) --- I feel like it’s adding more fuel to the fire and like my brain resists it more. It’s almost like I’m telling myself “don’t think of an elephant” and of course I’m thinking of one.

I’m not sure if this resistance is expected? I know I shouldn’t accept it, yet I feel like NOT accepting the thoughts as just thoughts, just allows the sexual thoughts to ramp up.

note the thoughts that happen are just like...random flashes. they may last like half a second or less than a minute...but they're just like these annoying bees that seem to be following me all day. and i feel like i have honey on my hand and whenever i swipe at them there are more bees around me !D may be a combo of living at my parents' home for the past few months instead of in my own apt, or just trying to force the break...

I think I just need to relax..and accept that this process will take time...because I think my brain wanted to find that “turn off sexual thoughts” button yet it’s not there. maybe I won’t need it over time because I’ll recognize that the thoughts don’t have any power over me unless I allow to give it to them.

appreciate any insight!


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 14, 2021 7:53 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 4097
Location: UK
Hi LK

Quote:
I’m just curious how others on here have succeeded with creating a break from sexual / romantic thoughts.



ANYTHING

that is anything HEALTHY

Shaw a member here once said
"look at the sky, its always there, its contantly changing and its free"

that simple principle works
why make things more complicated ?

is recovery easy?
is it hell
but is it do-able
When you want it sure thing

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 27, 2021 12:01 pm 
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Recovery Mentor

Joined: Tue Jan 07, 2020 4:07 pm
Posts: 164
hi Kenzo…

thanks for your thoughts on this. I just wanted to give an update on this topic with random thoughts and flashes….

unfortunately, they’re still there! I thankfully do have action plans that seem to work. it’s just weird because I find myself thinking about this a lot of the time. for example, I was in Disneyland this past weekend, and so I was reviewing action plans before I went. during my time, I’m constantly monitoring my thoughts --- am I scanning? am I romanticizing?

I feel at times my action plans work…but I think when I’m out for long periods of time…like out the whole day in public…it was difficult to maintain that level of focus for allowing my thoughts to go back to old habits.

this makes me realize that I have not yet removed the addiction from my identity, which doesn’t feel encouraging. the only thing that I feel I can do is put in more work by reviewing the lessons again…

I do feel like I’m almost focusing on it too much instead of just connecting with my values in the moment?

I don’t want to lie to myself and tell myself I am doing so much better than I was in April. I most definitely have action plans and ways to manage acting out…but it’s just more of the thoughts and the flashes that continue to persist. I think the only way forward is to continue building confidence with my action plan.

I also need to note that…even though I put in a lot of work outside of RN with my action plans / health monitoring…I can be putting more work on RN. I’ve reviewed some lessons since after completing all of the lessons in July…but there’s still more for me to continue to learn and grow.

thanks in advance.

-fm fka lk


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 29, 2021 6:55 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 4097
Location: UK
Hi FM


Quote:
this makes me realize that I have not yet removed the addiction from my identity,


let me remind you that you are more than your addiction, you have come a long way albeit your journey is not yet done, value that and value yourself



Quote:
I’ll recognize that the thoughts don’t have any power over me unless I allow to give it to them.


proving that you do have the choice, ensure you choose wisely and without being compulsive follow your own process by:

Quote:
I think I just need to relax..and accept that this process will take time

:g:


Quote:
I do feel like I’m almost focusing on it too much instead of just connecting with my values in the moment?


I agree I believe that this is the case :pe:

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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