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PostPosted: Thu Aug 12, 2021 8:07 pm 
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Joined: Sun May 23, 2021 5:24 pm
Posts: 5
So heres my story.  My husband and I have been married 31 years.  For the most part we've had a pretty good relationship & people have often commented what good friends we are.   There have been signs over the years of things not being right although I'd always thought isn't that just everyone.   Sometimes things just didnt add up but i accepted the replies and excuses coz heck why wouldnt I?  Early years of marriage - a porn video found in the outside bin - (must have been the neighbour trying to hide it from his wife)  Huh!!  Flirtatious behaviour with other women, a phone call from an old girlfriend - (I'm just being friendly and you're insecure),  inappropriate sexual talk, a photo of a friend of mine in his wallet (stupid mistake, dont know why I'd do that because i love you), problems with erectile dysfunction, looking at other women............Oh it's so easy to look back now and think very differently. 

The biggest change over the years has been the disengagement.  In the words of Jennifer Aniston - it was like he was missing a sensitivity chip.  That has impacted me so much that it was this behaviour that led me to D-day - 4 August 2020.  This day will be eternally etched into my brain as the day that my life changed.   I had this feeling i couldn't shake that something was not right and I was so sick of living with a feeling of 'crazy'!   I searched phone history & scrolled back to a date when my Mum was very sick & he was most unavailable, argumentative & moody and I was away alot.  Boom!!! I found image after disgusting image.  I confronted him very calmly and said 'I think we need to talk, I've found images on your phone'.  Then came the tears and part disclosure of a porn/masturbation sex addiction since the age of 13, he's now 54.  His parents owned a shop and he had unlimited access to magazines.  

We have been having counselling (separately) since d-day but both counsellors don't specialise in sex/porn addiction or ptsd and we had come to the conclusion we wanted something more.  I stumbled across Recovery Nation in May & we've been making our thru Couples Counselling together.  This has been a tough roller coaster ride of emotions  but empowering journey so far.  There have been more disclosures since of prostitutes (although insists has never been for full sex and stopped when we got married but was happening when dating) and fantasizing behaviour.  I recently made the decision to start the Partners Recovery as too many excuses were being made and I'm determined I'm healing come what may.  I know I've only got so much in my tank and I want some sane and peaceful years - hopefully together.


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