[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 112: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 112: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/functions.php on line 4788: Cannot modify header information - headers already sent by (output started at [ROOT]/includes/functions.php:3893)
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/functions.php on line 4790: Cannot modify header information - headers already sent by (output started at [ROOT]/includes/functions.php:3893)
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/functions.php on line 4791: Cannot modify header information - headers already sent by (output started at [ROOT]/includes/functions.php:3893)
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/functions.php on line 4792: Cannot modify header information - headers already sent by (output started at [ROOT]/includes/functions.php:3893)
Recovery Nation • View topic - Why the urge to isolate in turmoil - both sides welcome

Recovery Nation

Personal Development Forum
It is currently Wed May 18, 2022 8:47 am

All times are UTC - 5 hours




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 4 posts ] 
Author Message
PostPosted: Sun Nov 21, 2021 2:04 pm 
Offline

Joined: Mon Feb 10, 2020 3:22 am
Posts: 93
Location: Canada
This is a work in progress for me, but I feel like I'm a wounded dog that seeks to suffer and die alone when suffering is great.
I've made great strides in expressing my emotions and my feelings during these situations which has helped me to not only understand those moments better, but it's also opened me up to honest feedback and/or criticism.
Why is the habit so great to shut down and just allow the pain and agony to become greater, instead of work through it?
I recognize that men typically are taught not to show or express emotion, is this the cause?
Is this a common symptom of those who feel shame and guilt?


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Tue Nov 23, 2021 12:15 pm 
Offline
Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 4122
Location: UK

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Tue Nov 30, 2021 2:17 am 
Offline
Recovery Mentor

Joined: Tue Jan 07, 2020 4:07 pm
Posts: 231


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:37 am 
Offline

Joined: Tue Jul 07, 2020 6:12 am
Posts: 96
Yes, I think this is common for many people, both in recovery and out of it: there are more ways than ever to isolate ourselves now that we all have devices and so many distractions. But particularly for people in recovery, there are also traumas, family of origin issues, etc. that may make us feel like we can't open up.

Some advice, take what you want and leave the rest:

As you say, it's a work in progress, and this is where therapy really can help, because it's a safe place to open up about those feelings. Learning to have supportive friendships with other men can also be helpful. I know that wives and girlfriends sometimes expect their partners to tell them everything and open up about every single emotion (I'm female) but this actually can be counterproductive. A good couple's therapist can help you and your wife learn to build intimacy in healthy ways that respect one another's boundaries. And yes, you can have boundaries with your wife, but you need guidance from recovery coaches, therapists, 12 step counselors, and other support systems to help you create and maintain those boundaries. Otherwise it just becomes a way to rationalize dishonesty. Rigorous honesty is essential, so learning to say things like, "I'm feeling really scared, but I don't want to talk about it right now because I need some time alone to process my emotions," or "I don't know what my emotions are right now, and I understand that you want me to share them, so I think I need to explore what's going on by talking to a therapist/coach/sponsor/pastor and then once I have a better sense of how I feel, we can sit down and talk about it." Set specific times for these conversations so she doesn't just think you're putting her off. And then keep those times -- don't "forget" or get "too busy."


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 4 posts ] 

All times are UTC - 5 hours


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
cron
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group