Recovery Workshop: Lesson Twenty-Two

Measuring Compulsive Behavior

Every person that walks the face of this earth requires emotional stimulation. Isolation studies have shown that people will consistently go insane without it. And whether that emotional stimulation takes the form of appreciation, love, anger, respect, hatred, boredom or any combination of a thousand different emotional experiences...whether the source of the stimulation stems from other human beings, pets, or in its extreme...a dissociative relationship with oneself; all that is critical to an individual's survival is that emotional experiences exist.

Over the course of a lifetime, a healthy individual learns to manage emotions in a way that helps them to achieve ongoing balance and fulfillment. This does not mean that they only experience positive emotions, but that, when negative emotions are experienced — say, the death of a loved one; or getting fired from a job — they have the ability to balance those experiences with positive ones. For instance, they might spend time with their family, call a friend or cuddle with their pet. The stimulation that they derive from such actions are lasting and real. Possibly, they might even turn to themselves to regain balance (e.g. through value-based actions in a healthy person; dissociation in an unhealthy person).

The main difference between a healthy individual (with emotional management skills) and one who has developed an addiction (to help them manage their emotions)...is that with a healthy person — it is true emotional balance that they experience. They have the ability of managing the good with the bad. The ability for the ups to exist simultaneously with the downs. In addiction, the ability to achieve emotional balance through healthy means just isn't there. It can be, but the skills have not yet been mastered. And so, emotions are experienced as 'all or nothing' — the individual either feels good or they don't. And if they don't, their idea of 'balancing' their emotions, is to feel good again.

Ironically, as this pattern develops, it leads to the individual experiencing some rather intense, extreme emotional swings. Sometimes rapid, sometimes prolonged, this emotional instability leads to a greater dependence on addiction to manage those swings...which leads to the stimulus in question (e.g. sex, food, alcohol, love) becoming further ingrained into the person's core as an essential need.

Returning to the initial premise of the lesson: because emotional stimulation is a critical element to the human experience, individuals with immature emotional management skills must have a means for deriving emotional satisfaction, fulfillment and balance. They have developed a temporary means for such management through addiction; through their ability to manipulate their emotions via 'artificial stimuli' — stimuli that have taken on a life of their own, so to speak.

Almost always, the patterns for addiction begin in childhood/young adulthood...with a child's immature emotional skills being incapable of dealing with the feelings that arise from the life events that are occurring. Because the need to achieve emotional balance is critical, and because their current emotional management skills are inadequate to achieve that balance...they are forced to seek other methods. Other means of generating emotional stimulation that they cannot derive from their current resources. Enter 'some means of generating these emotions'. Depending on the age and depending on the unique situation...this 'artificial' stimulation can be generated through sports, music, fantasy, writing, falling in love, etc. What is experienced is an instant fulfillment when engaged in this stimuli...and the more it is used as a means for balancing the negative emotions — the more the pattern of seeking artificial means to manage their emotions develops.

As the individual grows, the behaviors may change...they may intensify...or they may be included in a menu of numerous other behaviors to use in managing their emotions (e.g. sex, gambling, alcohol, music, love). Most often, the patterns are limited to between one and three areas of stimulus at any given time in a person's life. And within each of these patterns, the individual has gained the ability to experience complete emotional immersion into the pattern. In severe cases, they develop what could only be described as a relationship with these patterns — and to end that relationship would be devastating. Because the patterns we are talking about evolve over long periods of time, to simply eliminate these patterns from their life is to create a huge emotional void that would be akin to experiencing substantial emotional deprivation. You could compare it to the loss of a loved one — doubled. The reason for doubling the significance relates to internal versus external stimuli...but that is not something we will address here.

The purpose of this lesson is to begin teaching you the process of "measuring the intensity of your compulsive behavior". This means that you will learn to view the emotional stimulation generated from your reactions to a particular stimuli in concrete, manipulatable terms. As you become more and more comfortable with this process, you will begin to change your perception of the compulsive behaviors that you display. No longer will you see your emotional impulses as being "natural", but will instead see them for the functional roles that they play in allowing you to manage your life. You will begin to recognize your ability to influence your emotions based on the behaviors/combination of behaviors that you purposefully engage in. And ultimately, you will clearly see the role of values in the recovery process — and how they can be used to replace the 'temporary, artificial' stimuli that have been used in the past.

Measuring Compulsive Behavior

To understand how the sexually compulsive wheel is used to represent the stimulation produced in a specific ritual, we will first assign concrete values (numbers) to each of the wheel's elements (e.g. sensory, suspense, danger, etc.) that apply to that particular ritual. These will be actual numerical values ranging from "1" to "3" — with 'one' representing mild stimulation and 'three' representing intense stimulation. Because each element of the wheel is equal in terms of the potential stimulation it can produce, these numerical values will only be assigned after the elements of a specific compulsive act have been identified.

Identifying the ritual to be measured

To measure a compulsive act, we must first identify each element of the wheel that helps to produce stimulation within that ritual. Some elements (like sensory or orgasm) may be represented several times throughout the ritual. A triangle is often used to represent each element being measured because each side of the triangle can then represent each of the three filters associated with the compulsive wheel. To better understand this, let's examine a very basic "ritualistic act".

Dave is a 26 y.o. married father of two. He struggles daily with romantic fantasies involving women he sees. Wanting to remain faithful to his wife, he never approaches these women, but instead fantasizes about them while masturbating. His "ritualistic chain" is as follows: he searches for a woman that will trigger the fantasies (Suspense); he sees the woman [Sensory (visual)]; he fantasizes about her (Fantasy); he masturbates [Sensory (touch)]; he orgasms (Orgasm); he feels good in that he had successful sexual relations with an attractive woman other than his wife (in his mind), without cheating on her (Accomplishment). The first step is to identify the Primary behavior(s) in this chain. Though there are no right or wrong answers (as everything that has to do with measuring this behavior is subjective — it is the opinion of the person experiencing it), so we will assume that the Primary behavior in this case is both the Fantasy and the Masturbation. These two behaviors will produce a greater level of stimulation than the others, and so we will assign them a "3". The next step is do determine which of these behaviors are Secondary. For this scenario, we will use Suspense, which often provides Dave with the preliminary trance that begins the mood-altering. This will be assigned a "2", as the Primary behaviors could exist without the Suspense (in the case of spontaneously meeting someone), but does provide a significant amount of stimulation when included. Finally, we will determine the Accessory behaviors — the behaviors that occur as a result of the other elements. Here, that would be Orgasm and Accomplishment — each of which would be assigned a "1".

All of these elements, from the primary behavior to the accessories, must then be filtered through Time, Intensity and Habituation to gain a more accurate reflection of how stimulating that particular element is. For each filter, the number that was initially assigned to the element (1, 2 or 3) will be multiplied by the number assigned to the filter's effect (0-10). Filtering each element is important when it comes time for understanding why it takes longer for people to achieve the same level of stimulation, or why people must expand the range of their compulsive behaviors in order to continue managing their emotions effectively.

As an example, let's say that Dave's ritualistic chain above, when the calculations are performed, result in an overall stimulation level of 30.1. This measurement was calculated by adding the overall stimulation of each of the elements identified at that time.

But as the months go by, because of the filters, Dave's behavior loses a lot of the stimulation that was initially produced, and so the same exact behaviors that once produced a 30.1, now produce a level of 18.7. The only difference has been the effects of those three filters. Now, a level of 18.7 is not stimulating enough to make Dave feel any significant relief, and so he must find ways of increasing the stimulation that is produced. We'll use the act of voyeurism as an example. As you read the following compulsive act (chain of behaviors), attempt to identify the expanded elements involved.

Dave lives in a large apartment complex. One morning, he noticed an attractive girl who was struggling to move into a new apartment. Being a gentleman, Jack offered to help this girl carry some of her boxes and, when she wasn't looking, stole a pair of her panties that were sitting in a basket and shoved them down his pants. He did this knowing that he would later use them while fantasizing about her — that having a particular article of clothing or personal object of the person he fantasizes about helps make the experience even more exciting. The orgasm more powerful. That night, well after midnight, he watched as the woman sat alone in her apartment, continuing to unpack boxes and put things away. He watched her from the bushes outside of her apartment. He began thinking about the woman...how beautiful she was. How "special" she was. He couldn't help but wonder if maybe she was "the one" — the girl he had always knew was out there — the one who would appreciate his passion, his depth, his ability to love so deeply. He thought about how she smiled as she thanked him for helping her. He remembered how she casually promised to "make it up to him" someday soon. It was obvious that they would make a good couple. That, even though he was a bit older than she, she would fall in love with him because he, too, was "special". All this was a certainty, if only she would give the relationship a chance.

From outside the window, Dave began to focus on the way her body moved. His thoughts filled with the wonder of what she would smell like, what she would taste like, how it would feel to run his fingers through her hair. How awesome it would be to make love to her. He took out her panties and began to smell them. Although they were freshly laundered, he ran his tongue across in hopes of picking up even the slightest hint of what it would be like to taste her. As she began preparing for bed, he started to masturbate and was able to achieve orgasm before she turned out the lights. Even after the lights went out, he continued to stay by her window. If he was lucky, she might get up to go to the bathroom, or masturbate herself to sleep...but even if she didn't, he was still somehow comforted just by being near her.

Now usually, such expansion does dot occur so dramatically, but comes in more of a gradual progression to where the person wakes up one day and wonders, "How in the heck did I get this way?" But in this overly dramatic example, what elements did you come up with?

Though there could be many more, I will limit my observations to the following ten: Sensory (visual); Suspense; Danger; Fantasy (delusional); Accomplishment; Sensory (touch); Sensory (smell); Sensory (taste); Fantasy (imagery) and Orgasm. To begin the process of mapping out the ritual, you will need to draw ten triangles on a piece of paper and label each of the triangles as follows:

After labeling each triangle, it will become necessary to assign a numerical value to each triangle. The number (1, 2 or 3) that will be entered in the center of the triangle will directly correspond to how that behavior fits in the following assessment scale:

1-Accessory Behavior (plays only a minor role in producing stimulation)

2-Secondary Behavior (plays an important role in producing stimulation)

3-Primary Behavior (plays a major role in producing stimulation)

First, label any element that plays a primary role in the ritual with a '3'. In this case, it would be Sensory (visual). Without it, the voyeuristic act would not exist. The Sensory (sight) triangle would be assigned the number "3".

Another possible primary behavior could be Fantasy (delusional) if the only reason that he is voyeuring is because of a belief that this woman is "the one". We will assume that he has a pattern of voyeuring with or without this feeling and so the only essential behavior (primary behavior) is the visual sensory stimulation.

In other chains, there may be multiple elements that are assigned as the primary behavior. An example of this would be in a "date rape" situation where part of the ritual is to incapacitate their victim (through intoxication, Ruphenol, etc.), the second is to achieve complete Power over their victim once they are incapacitated. A third possible element involving Orgasm could also be assigned (if having an orgasm is essential to the completion of the ritual). Likewise, there could also be a fourth element, or a fifth...it all depends on the individual and their particular rituals. In such a chain, if even one of these essential elements is not met, the ritualistic chain is broken and the behavior does not provide the emotional relief that was being sought. Most chains, however, involve only one primary behavior, and the remainder are Secondary and/or Accessory behaviors.

Second, identify all secondary behaviors in the ritual. This includes any element that occurs as a direct result of the ritual being performed. In this case, it will be Suspense, Danger, Fantasy(delusional) and Accomplishment. These four triangles will be assigned the number "2". A case could be made to add Fantasy (delusional) and/or Fantasy (imagery) as secondary behaviors, and they very well might be. In this particular scenario however, we will assume that Dave used imagery Fantasy through choice only, rather than as a natural extension of his visual stimulation. Therefore, they would be classified as Accessories.

Finally, assign a '1' to all remaining elements. These would be accessory behaviors. They include any element that is voluntarily added to the ritual to deliberately increase the overall stimulation that is achieved. In this case, it will be Sensory (touch), Sensory (smell), Sensory (smell); Fantasy (imagery) and Orgasm. These elements will be assigned the number "1".

Other frequently used accessory elements include Poly-addictions (getting high before acting out) and Sensory (introducing people, pornography, stolen objects into the sexual act; masturbation). Orgasm (which is rarely a primary behavior, except when Masturbation is a primary element as well), is most often used as a means of closure to a more extensive ritualistic chain-rather than as a primary element.

The sum of these elements (after having the filters applied) combine to generate a specific level of intensity for that specific compulsive act. Some chains can be quite simple, requiring one or two triangles; some can be quite complex-involving literally hundreds of triangles (e.g. elements). The latter is often the case in extreme addictions. Most rituals however, will involve between three and ten elements.

At this point, Dave's ritual for his voyeuristic act would look as follows:

Note that because these elements have not been filtered yet, there are no values assigned to the three filters (time, intensity and habituation).

Keep in mind that, as you begin identifying your own ritualistic chains, it will be the thoughts and emotions that accompany your behavior which will provide the greatest clue as to whether a particular element should be classified as a primary, secondary or accessory behavior. Someone who views pornography as their primary behavior will not have the same type of ritualistic chains as someone else who also views pornography as their primary behavior. The types of pornography, the amount of pornography, the situations the pornography is used in, the additional elements that are included when viewing pornography-these are only some of the variables that need to be considered when beginning to measure your own compulsive rituals.

Once the elements in the ritual have been identified, each isolated element must then pass through the filters of Time, Intensity and Habituation. Like the elements, these three abstract filters will be replaced by concrete numerical values. Unlike the elements, each filter has its own scale:

TIME

Scale: (10-1, 0)
When considering the effect of Time on a particular element, the closer an element comes to the threshold of Time, the higher the number that will be assigned. Take for example, nipple stimulation [Sensory (touch)]. In a perfect situation, the amount of time spent stimulating the nipples will have brought the sensations to their absolute peak. The assigned value would be "10". Should the stimulation actually reach (or surpass) the threshold, making what was once a pleasurable experience now irritating or painful, the assigned value would be a "0". The importance of this will be apparent as we continue.

The following values will be assigned to the Time filter (Time) of each element:

INTENSITY (10-1, 0)
Whereas Time's threshold can be seen as a gradual incline coming to an abrupt end, Intensity's threshold is one of peaks and valleys. An example would be the act of a woman receiving oral sex. Should her partner lick too fast, or too slow...be too rough or too gentle...too much pressure or not enough pressure...it all affects the intensity of the pleasure that she is capable of experiencing. Turning that around, her partner's stimulation is also affected by the intensity of different elements. Should the woman have too strong a smell, or too bitter of a taste...the intensity of these Sensory elements will reduce the overall stimulation that is experienced. Again, in situations where the threshold has been reached, and thus the experience is no longer pleasurable (and most likely unpleasant and/or painful), a "0" will be entered.

In reality, the effects of Intensity will vary throughout the sexual act. Here, we will set our numerical values to correspond with the height of a single point in the ritual.

The following values will be assigned to the Intensity filter (Intensity) of each element:

HABITUATION (10-1)
Unlike the other two filters, Habituation is assigned a higher number the further away the specific element is to the saturation point. There is no zero, as the scope of the stimulation ranges from novelty (high number) to neutrality (low number)-rarely, if ever does someone become so saturated from a certain stimulus that is actually becomes painful. Let us examine the act of pornography as it relates to Habituation.

When one begins to look at pornography on the Internet (again, we are referring to a single act, not an extended pattern), there is usually an extreme high that comes with the initial search for the most stimulating photos/videos/cams. Frequently, behaviors like fantasy and masturbation accompany the viewing of pornography. But eventually, after viewing hundreds (or thousands) of men/women in a single sitting, habituation sets in and the images begin to lose their effect. Eventually, the effect has worn off almost completely, and this once stimulating image now produces no more adrenaline than a picture of milk. This is habituation.

The following values will be assigned to the Habituation filter (Habit) of each element:

The next step is to multiply each filter by the element's value, then add the total per element. Note: you can obtain the same effect using any number of mathematical calculations; this one is used only to provide a simple way of reinforcing the concept that each filter plays a significant role in understanding the stimulation produced by each element. Also, that each element plays a significant role in understanding the stimulation produced by the act as a whole. Performing the calculations as described above, we have the sum score of each element:

The final step in measuring the overall stimulation of a ritualistic chain is to divide each element's sum by the total number of elements in the chain (triangles). In this case, there were ten, so each number will be divided by 10. (Numbers will be rounded up for simplicity.)

The numbers in green represent the total amount of stimulation provided by each element. As you can see, each element adds to the overall level of stimulation produced by the act being performed. The overall stimulation rating for this particular ritualistic chain could be measured by adding the score of each individual element above: 7.5 + 4.1 + 2.6 + 3.8 + 4.4 + 1.9 + .8 + .4 + 1.3 + 2.5 = 29.3 overall stimulation rating.

This information leads to the following "cookie" for this particular ritual:

Again, to "measure" the total amount of stimulation provided by this particular ritual (or cookie), you simply add the amount of stimulation produced by each individual element. In this particular case, the overall stimulation produced by the voyeuristic act described above is: 29.3. Now originally, Dave was able to produce a level of 30.1 with his more simple fantasizing, but because of Habituation, a further expansion of other elements (or increases in their intensity, time) was needed to generate similar feelings.

Summarizing, in the beginning stages of an addiction, a single element has the ability to produce high levels of stimulation, thus few elements are needed to propel the addict into a mind-altered state. As the person involved in such a compulsive act becomes more and more accustomed to the stimulation (habituation), the ritual's ability to produce the same level of stimulation decreases, causing the need for additional elements (or a fine-tuning of the filters — as in, increasing the time spent engaged in the activity; increasing the Intensity of elements such as Danger). By increasing the time spent engaged in these behaviors, by increasing the intensity (like the danger of being caught), by increasing the number of elements involved in the behavior, the compulsive person is better able to manage the emotional stimulation that is produced by acting out the ritual.

There comes a point, even as the addict perfects his ritualistic chains, when the stimulative value will not be enough to reach the highs that are needed to feel adequate relief. It is at this point where additional ritualistic chains are added (or significantly expanded). Their values are calculated in much the same manner as the initial chain, with one exception: when dividing additional chains, the divisor is not the number of elements in that particular ritual, but the number of elements in that, and all previous rituals associated with that specific session of stimulation. For example, if Dave (the person involved in voyeuring) completed his ten-element chain, yet feelings of anxiety remained, he might add another ritualistic chain to the session. Let's suppose he went home and masturbated. While doing this, he fantasized that he was engaged in lovemaking with the girl who had just moved in. When he climaxed, he did so directly into her panties. The elements to this new chain are as follows:

Primary: Orgasm (in this particular case, it is the primary behavior because he actually set out to ejaculate onto something she owned; and Fantasy (the entire ritual was geared towards the fantasies that Dave was having towards this girl).

Secondary: Sensory (touch) — the need to orgasm brought about the need to masturbate; Accomplishment — achieving orgasm brought about the feelings of accomplishment

Accessory: Past — the memories of having seen her get ready for bed produced a heightened fantasy, as did the panties.

Measuring this new chain, we have:

Notice that the biggest difference between the original chain and this one is that the divisor in the original chain equaled the number of elements in that chain only, whereas the divisor in this secondary chain includes not only these elements, but those of the previous chain as well. This is imperative, as the overall stimulation that is produced tends to decrease as the ritualistic behavior expands. Eventually, it requires an almost constant state of ritualism to maintain the same level of stimulation that once came easily. In the above example, the additional ritualistic chain actually added 14.8 to the original 29.3 rating of overall stimulation. This is key to understanding the progressive nature of addictions and compulsive behavior. The progression never ends until a conscious decision is made to end it. Even then, a conscious effort must be made to find alternative ways of providing that stimulation, or one will simply find themselves engaged in other compulsive behavior.

Let's consider one more example, this one from a person who continually finds themselves engaging in sexually compulsive behavior with strangers. Each element of the wheel, in order to be measured effectively, must first be filtered through Time, Intensity and Habituation. Take the act of engaging in promiscuous sexual activity with a stranger. Some of the possible elements that are involved would be: danger, past, sensory and accomplishment. For each of these elements, there will be four numerical values assigned. The first number will be either a 1, 2 or 3 — depending on whether the behavior is considered to be a Primary, Secondary or Accessory behavior (your opinion). The last three numbers will be assigned to represent the effect that each filter has on the element being measured.

Our initial chain might look like this:

These numbers are arbitrary, as they are based solely on one's perceptions. The same exact behaviors that provide a "8.3" rating can provide someone else a stimulation rating of ".02" or "37". The numbers only have relevance when used to examine a specific behavior chain involving a particular individual.

In this particular behavior chain, let's examine the element of Danger. Let us say that, because Danger is the main element that triggers the need to engage in sex with a complete stranger, it will be assigned the number "3". Depending on the individual, it could very easily have been Past (should the person be reliving past sexual abuse) or some other element — for this discussion, it is what drives the main behavior. The next step is to filter the stimulation produced by the element of Danger through Time. There is a certain threshold for Time that elevates the arousal of the stimulation being produced. It could be a few minutes (which is why some people need to have sex within an hour or so of meeting this person before the "stranger" label wears off), or the threshold could be reached after several hours (or days, weeks or months). The closer the element of danger is in the ritualistic behavior to the threshold, the higher the assigned number will be (1-10). If the threshold is surpassed, then the stimulation that is produced is lost, and so a "0" is assigned. An example of surpassing the Danger threshold is staying with a "stranger" long enough to know that there is no danger involved. The next filter to consider will be Intensity — which will come through the situation itself (how dangerous is it?). When the element surpasses the threshold of intensity (say, when you are physically raped or tortured — and so the element no longer produces arousal), a "0" is assigned. Finally, the filter of Habituation is considered. This would apply to "how many times" you have participated in this behavior in the past. The more times that you participate in this particular element, the less stimulating it will become (there are some exceptions to this, but as a rule of thumb...). The first time that you have sex with a stranger will be significantly more arousing than the thirtieth time.

Important!

What is most important in understanding this "measuring" of behavior, is that the focus is not on the exact numbers, but rather, to grasp the concept of how the different elements all come together to form clusters of stimulation that help you to manage your emotions. You manage your emotions by altering the elements and/or filters involved in the behavior. Do not worry about being able to calculate an exact number for each compulsive chain. For those who do understand this concept, it will help you down the road...but it is not essential. What is essential is that you understand how you can affect the overall level of stimulation that your behavior produces.

Later, we will begin to use these concepts in identifying, isolating and eliminating your own compulsive behavior. Obviously, it is important that you at least have an understanding of what they are for and how to calculate the numerical values. As you continue on, keep in mind that these values are for the most part arbitrary, and are only meant to provide an approximate representation of the stimulation that is produced through certain actions. It is not meant to be an exact measurement. The idea is to provide yourself with a platform to analyze your behaviors and the way that they affect you.

Lesson 22 Exercise:

1. Consider a very simple ritual that you have engaged in.

2. Identify three or four elements of that ritual (e.g. physical sensory stimulation; danger; orgasm; accomplishment).

3. For each element, assign a relative number for the amount of stimulation you think you derive from this particular element. These numbers are relevant only to you and in relation to other elements that you experience.

4. For each element, consider the effects of each of the three filters on the stimulation derived from that element. Does it increase the stimulation? Decrease the stimulation? Have no effect? Have a mixed effect (as in, sometimes it increases, other times it decreases)?.

5. Share the above in your personal recovery thread. It should look something like this:

Ritual Measured:

Masturbation

Primary Elements Involved:

Physical Stimulation; Fantasy; Moral conflict; Orgasm

Values assigned:

Physical Stimulation: 3

Fantasy: 2

Moral conflict: 1

Orgasm: 3

Filters applied:

Physical Stimulation:

*Time — Progressively increases the stimulation to a point; then significantly decreases that stimulation. At it's height, this filter would be an '8'.

*Intensity — Relatively stable; have not added to the physical behaviors in years '1'

*Habituation — No real effect '1'

Fantasy:

*Time — Increases stimulation; no time limit '4'

*Intensity — Directly related to concentration; the better I can concentrate, the more intense the stimulation '5'

*Habituation — As fantasies get 'played out', they decrease the overall stimulation that fantasy produces. I respond by expanding those fantasies. '3'

Moral conflict:

*Time — Occurs spontaneously; leaves spontaneously; time spent in conflict has no palpable effect on overall stimulation '1'

*Intensity — Decreases overall intensity of urge '3'

*Habituation — No real effect '1'

Orgasm:

*Time — Occurs spontaneously; leaves spontaneously; no control over length of orgasm '2'

*Intensity — Increases overall intensity of urge; created major frustration when goal is not reached '10'

*Habituation — No real effect '1'

There is more that you can do here, but this is enough. Also, note that the numbers assigned — especially in the filters, were arbitrarily chosen by me. They were chosen in relation to the overall stimulation that I achieved during masturbation. Orgasm was the primary driving force for my behavior — with the intensity of that orgasm being most important. Thus, a '3' was assigned to the element of orgasm; and a '10' assigned to the filter of intensity.